Somewhere
along the way many of us have gotten a bad taste in our mouth when it comes to
forgiveness. We readily want and accept this spiritual staple ourselves without
a second thought or question, but few of us readily dole out forgiveness to
friends, family, or anyone who has really slighted even in the smallest sense.
Forgiveness
has become one of the least loved pieces of following Jesus. So many other aspects
of genuinely loving and following the Lord seem to cost us much less. We can
give our time and energy to serve our community, our neighbors, and our
friends. We give financially to support local churches and missionary work
abroad. We laud defending the weak, the poor, the oppressed, the widow and the
orphan – and for good reason since God expects and commands us to do so (James
1:27). Each of these pieces of practicing our faith does cost us something –
but the benefit, the blessing we get in return for being obedient, is
immediate. We can see hungry bellies being filled with food we provide. We can
see our neighbors enjoying a warm home this winter because we stepped in and
paid the electric bill after they lost their job. We can see a group of young men
on a football team radically change as their coaches spend years investing and
leading them. These are all great endeavors and the work God does in and
through us sometimes even provides us with encouraging sight into how the Lord
has used us.
But why is forgiveness so hard? Why does it
feel like such a duty. For many of us we here Jesus command, “if you refuse to
forgive others, your Father will refuse to forgive you,” (Matt. 6:15) and
begrudgingly think, “alright, I will forgive you for this, but only because I
have to.” For most of us, there is very little joy in forgiving.
I
think we have forgotten and important, liberating truth: there is delight in
forgiveness. We should be ready to forgive precisely because God found great
joy, delight even, in forgiving us; and when we forgive, we too can delight in
it. Forgiveness brings delight.
What Forgiveness Is Not
Before
we think any further about forgiveness, we must first clearly understand what
forgiveness is not. This may seem silly and unnecessary, but so many of us,
myself included, find forgiveness laborious and dreadful because we do not
really understand what it is not.
Many
of us grew up under the lie that forgiveness means pretending. Playing along
that we never really were hurt. From being picked on at the dinner table by our
siblings to finding yourself victim to unwarranted ridicule on the football
field to the constant, belittling comments from your boss, we all daily are the
focus of actions by others that for one reason or another, aggravate, irritate,
and in some cases, deeply hurt us. We all rightly move along from many of these
little cuts and scrapes. No one can make it through life with paper-thin skin.
But we all have days when the wrong comment, email, or conversation sinks in to
our hearts and festers.
Then of
course we are all aware of the catastrophic sins of our day that no thick skin
can truly protect against. From rampant fatherlessness (43% of homes are
without a stable, consistent father figure according to the U.S. Census) to
sexual assault (around 20% of children are attacked before their 18th
birthday, 75% of them by people they knew and trusted), our world is coming
unhinged with egregious crimes and sins against one another. And the lie many
of us believe in the midst of it all? Forgiveness means pretending it never
happened.
Failing to
acknowledge sin’s painful effects crushes us. We may not be able to place our
finger on why it feels so off, but we know we have been cheated when we believe
the lie that we merely need to move on. This robs us – forces us to bury and
leave unresolved very real injuries.
For extreme
cases like fatherless homes, such denial and pretending is often devastating:
63% of children and teenagers who commit suicide come from fatherless homes
while 70% of all students in juvenile detention facilities come from a home
without a dad. There certainly is no exact correlation here – not all
fatherless children commit suicide or are incarcerated. These statistics do
show however, a severe degree of pain and heartache. How dare we dismiss or
minimalize such pain with a false forgiveness that squelches someone’s
suffering. Would we trust and follow the direction of a doctor who tells us a
gunshot to the chest requires no medical attention? Neither should we cover up
and leave unattended and un-healed the bruises, cuts, and sometimes deep gashes
that come to us in life. To believe forgiveness is pretending is to believe a
lie. To believe that lie, is to rob ourselves and others of joy.
God Pays the Debt
Forgiveness
is letting go of a rightly held debt. We see this when we say “So-and-so’s debt
was forgiven.” What bank would tell us they forgave us our debt if we did not
in fact owe them money?
True
forgiveness is more than just playing along with an illusion. It means
acknowledging that someone has wrongly caused us pain – sometimes minor
sometimes life-changing – and that unearned, unwarranted discomfort has placed
them in debt to us. We did not deserve whatever we got – a sharp word, getting
bypassed wrongly for a promotion, or assault or worse. The pain we experience
is the result of sin. Wrongdoing is the culprit and we are not foolish or weak
for acknowledging the hurt it has caused.
False forgiveness pretends the wrong never
occurred and tells us to bury whatever pain and discomfort we feel. But God
practices forgiveness in a radically different way. Read any of the Old
Testament prophets and what do we find – the unbelievably wickedness of God’s
people and His anger against them. In His anger against their wrongdoing, God
promised:
Because you
despised what I tell you and trust instead in oppression and lies, calamity
will come upon you suddenly. It will be like a bulging wall that bursts and
falls. In an instant it will collapse and come crashing down. You will be
smashed like a piece of pottery – shatter so completely that where won’t be a
piece left that is big enough to carry coals from a fireplace or a little water
from a well. (Isaiah 30:12-14).
In
examining the wrongs of His people, God does not shy away from their sin. He
calls it for what it is – oppression and deceit (among other things). After detailing
their sins, the Lord acted as Judge, pronouncing the debt they owed to Him. The
just and right punishment for the inexcusable wrongs? Sudden disaster and
destruction. Elsewhere Isaiah and other prophet’s describe this coming, earned
punishment as “crying in public squares and in every street…for I will pass
through and destroy them all,” (Amos 5:16-17). There is no offer of some neutered
forgiveness or hope of pretending all is well. God faces sin squarely,
face-to-face, and declares the debt it causes. Wrong must be punished. The
wrongdoer must pay the penalty – the debt – of their sin. God minces no words
here – evil places us in deep debt to Him and He will not turn a blind eye to
the pillaging of His creation by our evil hearts and deeds.
Astonishingly though, God does not insist that we pay our debt of sin. Isaiah 53 shows us entirely the opposite – that God offers to face sin squarely for us and the debt on our behalf so that we can be rescued. Speaking of the future work of Jesus, Isaiah wrote, “When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish he will be satisfied. And because of what he has experienced, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear all their sins,” (Is. 53:11).
In
one simple verse we see the delight of forgiveness. Jesus offers us
forgiveness, but He does not do so lightly. His justice and integrity demand that
wrongdoing be punished; sin’s debt must be paid. But rather than force us to
pay that debt ourselves, He steps in our place and pays the debt of many. God
did not flinch to pay the price of sin. He did not pretend our misdeeds were
really childish offenses easily forgiven. No, He chose the long, blood-soaked
path that demanded death as just payment of sin. His death paid our debt.
His
response after His sacrifice is equally shocking – delight. Isaiah wrote that
He was “satisfied” when He saw what His death and anguish achieved: sin was
punished, debt was satisfied, people were freed. The result is joy. I often struggle
to believe that God finds joy in forgiving us. We often default to assuming God
is an impatient Father, tapping His foot and shaking His head while watching
us, all the while wondering “when will I get to stop bailing them out.” But God
gives us a vastly different picture – He finds great joy, delight even, in
forgiving – in acknowledging our wrongdoing and the debt it places us in and then
stepping in graciously to pay that price himself so that He can free us from
the bondage of sin. For God, forgiveness brings joy and delight (Eph. 1-2, Heb.
12:2).
When
we are forgiven, we find delight in undeserved freedom. When we feel and
understand the crushing reality of our sin, how profoundly inexcusable our
behavior is we perceive and even accept that we owe the one we wronged. We are
indebted to them for our sins. In our wrongdoing we have indebted ourselves to
them until we can make right what we have made wrong. Unfortunately, no human
repayment seems adequate. What is monetary gain for a child whose father has
abandoned them for another family? What are tears and apologies when trust has
been broken and friends or co-workers betrayed. To paraphrase C.S. Lewis, we
can forgive many things, but when we perceive the depths of our evil against
another we realize no efforts on our part is truly satisfactory. We stand
before them and before God totally, inexcusably guilty. With not a penny to our
name, we cannot hope to pay those we owe.
Forgiveness
brings joy. After being forgiven for committing adultery, conspiracy, and
murder, King David wrote “what joy for those whose rebellion is forgiven, whose
sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record the LORD has
cleared of sin,” (Psalm 32:1-2, 6). What David celebrated and what can give us
joy today, is that though we are embarrassingly inadequate and unable to pay
our debts to others and most importantly our to Creator-King, He offers
forgiveness. He faced the price of sin down and paid it in full. He pays the
price – we receive our freedom. In our freedom we delight in the One who out of
no obligation to us, paid our debt to Him and others. In forgiveness we
delight.
To Forgive is to Delight
Accepting
forgiveness is easy. Forgiving others is hard. If you are like me, forgiving
others can be difficult because a proud part of your heart rises up and says
“they did not hurt me, they do not mean enough to me for them to hurt me. I’m
stronger than that.” That is all well and good when we are dealing with a guy
cutting us off in traffic. It’s a different story when it’s our father. Or our
spouse. Or a close friend. It’s different when it’s someone we’ve been
transparent and even at times vulnerable with.
Yet
despite how much pain we may have wrongfully been dealt, God’s command stands
firm, “you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility,
gentleness, and patience. You must make allowance for each other’s faults and
forgive…remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others,” (Colossians
3:12-13). Making forgiveness a command seems to steal the joy we could feel
from it. Paul probably understood how we all like to accept it but returning in
kind is not as easy.
We find joy in forgiving others because their debt can and has been paid. Without Christ, a person who has wronged us cannot really, truly satisfy their debt to us. As a result, we all find ourselves enslaved to sin and each other – there is no way to break free. But at the cross, sin was fully faced, it’s gigantic payment satisfied, and freedom became a possibility. Because Jesus’ faced my sin, I can walk in freedom, no longer shouldering the burden of sin and debt I have racked up against Him. Because Jesus’ paid for the sin of everyone in my life, I can offer them freedom because their debt has been paid as well.
When
I want to see someone who has hurt me pay for their wrongdoing, I need only look
to the cross. Jesus offered to pay their debt for them to. I can find peace and
rest, knowing that the wrongs, however mild or profoundly life-changing, have
been confronted. Justice has been meted out – Jesus has satisfied their debt
for them (or at the very least offered to if they do not follow Him). I need not
feel like I have been cheated, for Jesus has suffered the consequences of their
sin for them. The debt owed to me because of their evil has been paid. In light
of that – in light of knowing that the debt so-and-so owes me has been paid – I
can let go of their debt. I can offer them freedom. I can release them. We can
delight in forgiveness because we know the debt they owe us has been paid by
Christ.
The
delight forgiving brings does not mean it is an easy endeavor. Sometimes merely
facing the deep-seated pain someone has caused us alone is a taxing, wrenching
endeavor. Nevertheless, we must press into the command Jesus has given us – to
forgive (release from debt) as we have been forgiven (been released from our
debt). What we owed has been paid by, Jesus. What others owe us has been paid,
by Jesus. Forgiving others at times will not be easy or enjoyable at the
beginning, but it will bring us joy as we remember the debt Christ has paid for
us and that He too has paid the debt others owe us. That is why we can delight
in forgiveness.