With the Supreme Court’s ruling on Hodges v. Obergefell, gay marriage
became a legal right in the United States of America. Each of us will remember
where we were and what we were doing when we heard the news on Friday, June
26, 2015. I was pumping gas at a Pitt Stop and contemplating getting a soda when my friend texted me about it.
Since the ruling was
released, I have had three thoughts about this monumental change. Others
will no doubt write volumes on this day that will be read in years to come. For
now, I would like to share just three brief thoughts:
1. How would
Jesus respond?
In the torrent of social media posts and
blogs that came with the courts ruling, Jesus came front and center as people quoted
famous lines such as “do not judge, so that you will not be judged,” (Matt.
7:1-5). And quoting the apostle John, “God is love,” (1 John 4:8). It’s easy to
quote these passages, take them for face value out of context and move forward.
It’s harder, and frankly more painful, to ask a deeper question – how would
Jesus respond to someone in a homosexual relationship? We could use these
passages to say He would support them and simply move on. But if we truly call
Jesus Lord or simply want to understand what He really would do, I think we
should look for more justification than just a few quotes we all like to
cherry-pick when convenient for ourselves.
Jesus never dealt specifically with
homosexuality. So in some ways, we must learn from
other situations we know about from His life. As the Supreme Court ruling came
out this week and I thought about all the nuances of this change, my mind
continued to meditate on John 8.
After discovering a woman in the very act of
adultery, a group of leaders brought her to Jesus and asked what they should do
– hoping all the while that He would either act morally liberal and brush off
her sin, or act severely, calling for her death. Either reaction would alienate
Christ from the people. Jesus responded in a third way, reminding the
bloodthirsty crowd of their own sin, saying “Let him who is without sin among you
be the first to throw a stone at her,” (John 8:7). With the humbling reminder, the crowd walked off. Then Jesus looked at the woman and asked
“where are they? Has no one condemned you? Neither do I condemn you; go and
from now on sin no more,” (John 8:10-11).
The irony of the situation is that while the
crowd called for blood, only Jesus Himself was actually qualified to condemn the woman since
He never sinned. Yet rather than stone the woman, Jesus chose gracious love. He
forgave her sins. But He did not stop there – after offering the woman grace
freely, He instructed her simply “go and from now on sin no more.” Aware that His death would soon pay for her
sin of adultery, Jesus offered her forgiveness but called her also to follow
Him in a different, grace-filled and freeing way. He offered grace and he
expected her to follow Him.
While Jesus never dealt with homosexuality, I
think this passage offers us a glimpse into how He would respond today. He
would rebuff and rebuke those of us who often like to pile on and condemn gay
people and remind us of our own sin and need for grace. And He would lovingly look at those who have been humiliated because of their sin (be it adultery,
homosexuality, or really any sin that puts us in someone else’s self-righteous
cross-hairs) and offer grace. With all my heart, I believe Jesus looks at
homosexuals and with grace and love beckons them, “Neither do I condemn you, go
and sin no more.” The offer is grace – the call is to follow Him. After
receiving His gift of salvation, Jesus expects and demands homosexuals and
heterosexuals alike to abandon our old lives and follow Him.
2. A Better
Love
But why? Why does Jesus demand that those who
have accepted His grace follow and trust Him? Why can’t we just carry on with
life the way it was? The answer is simply that Jesus loves us more than we love
ourselves.
Many will claim that June 26, 2015 saw a
gigantic victory for the equality of love. This thought can only be true if we
have a low view of love. If we define love as happiness, then certainly the
Supreme Court’s ruling is a victory for happiness, allowing same-sex couples to
finally, in the eyes of the law, be equal in marriage.
But I think we agree that love is more
than happiness. It must be otherwise we would never endure difficult
seasons with people (spouses, parents, friends, co-workers) that no longer make
us happy. While hard to define, I think we would all agree that love is less
about happiness and more about sacrificially working toward and for the
ultimate good of someone else. Husbands and fathers show love to their families
when they work at a job they loathe for years in which they are underpaid,
overworked, and poorly treated. Why? Because their pain and sacrifice is for
the good and flourishing of their family. Mothers do the same similarly as they
(many times) work as well as serve as the front line at home in dealing with
discipline, illness, and so much more for their children. Why the sacrifice?
Because they don’t just want their children to be happy, they want the best for
them. And sometimes the best means learning a hard lesson by being grounded, or
a spoonful of medicine that tastes more like poison and less like an antidote.
Jesus loves people and wants the best for us.
He does not just seek our happiness, He is seeking our ultimate good and
satisfaction. That deep love drove Him from heaven to earth to a cross to make
it possible that we might experience our ultimate good – being in a renewed,
vibrant family with Him. To say that Jesus would not call heterosexuals or homosexuals
to abandon our sin is to belittle the cross. He died precisely so that by grace
we could do just that. He does not love poorly and merely desire our happiness
– He wants our supreme satisfaction which comes only through relationship with
Him, on His terms, not our own. As C.S. Lewis wrote, "It would
seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are
half-hearted creatures fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when
infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making
mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by an offer of a holiday
at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
3. Going
Forward
The Hodges
v. Obergefell decision begs one last question – where do we go from here? I
have a couple final thoughts from here, for both those who agree with me and
those who do not.
Those who agree: Moving
forward from here, I hope people who agree with me will consider two things:
First, we can disagree with an institution or
idea, hate it even, but still love someone who follows it. Jesus hated
adultery, no one can possibly question that (Matt. 19:6), but He showed love
and forgiveness to the woman everyone expected Him to execute for that same
sin. Jesus embraced sinners and befriended them even – but He didn’t condone
their sin. We must live in this paradox: loving people and when appropriate
telling them about the One who offers them a better life of freedom from sin in
grace. We can disagree with homosexuality, and love homosexuals, just as Christ
opposed adultery, yet showed grace, love, and forgiveness to an adulteress.
Second, this topic need not be the first
thing we talk about with gay people. Sexuality is not the defining quality of a
person. As people, we all have hopes, dreams, stories, jobs, families,
frustrations, pet-peeves, and hobbies. We should be friends with practicing
homosexuals. We have much in common to form a friendship. And within the
context of loving relationship we can lovingly, graciously, and humbly
disagree. Perhaps the best exercise moving forward for all of us who disagree with gay marriage is to befriend a gay person. It can transform caricatures in our
minds and hate in our hearts into love, friendship, and humble-yet-honest
disagreement.
Those who disagree: If you
have read this far and disagree with me, thank you. Seriously – no sarcasm. In
a world of sound bites and 30-second news clips, it seems impossible today to
let anyone fully voice their sincere belief. Moving forward from here, I
hope you would not engage in the belittling and caricature driven jabs and
comments we are all accustomed to. People who have opposed same-sex marriage
(myself included at times) have been guilty of that. I hope that as Christians,
we will get better at this, even though we disagree on something this basic and
important.
It’s easy to take cheap shots – both sides
are guilty of that. Moving forward from here, I hope you will not assume all
Christians hate gay people. Though we disagree, I don’t hate gay people. I have
two good friends who are gay. And we talk about a bunch of things – movies, our alma mater's football program, our jobs, our families,
vacation plans, our dreams, frustrations, and more. And at times we talk about
how we disagree – knowing that neither one of us has the power to change the
mind or heart of the other. That’s God’s work, not mine or yours.
We can be more than civil and disagree. I
firmly believe we can love each other and with humble-compassion, disagree.
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