I never thought I’d find myself bargain shopping for diabetic supplies, but I found myself doing just that today. That’s when it hit me. My life just changed.
I was admitted to Lynchburg General Hospital on Saturday for high blood sugar. I went to the hospital after finally realizing I couldn’t ignore my constant thirst or the fact that I had to pee all the time. So late Saturday night I sucked it up and went to the ER. Turns out it was a good decision – my blood sugar was 802. With normal blood sugar being between 80-140 I felt somewhat proud of my accomplishment. My friend and I joked that I set the diabetes high score. After getting an IV of insulin and being transferred to the diabetic/renal floor (don’t let the name fool you, this floor is a madhouse of fun…you get all the diet soda you want AND graham crackers), I started to settle in for my stay.
Sunday and Monday were full of visits from friends, my new endocrinologist, pastors, and my favorite professor. Now it’s Tuesday and I find myself anxious to get the heck out of here. As I began packing up I finally realized that my life just changed. It started after I ordered a medical alert bracelet that says “DIABETES!” on it and fully sunk in after I put a nifty card that says “If I’m acting weird I’m not drunk I’m diabetic…and dying so help me!” in my wallet.
In the midst of all this change it would be easy to ask the question “why me?” But honestly, the thought hasn’t really crossed my mind. Perhaps it’s too soon and I’ll cross that theologically perilous bridge when I get to it; but maybe I won’t for one simple reason: grace.
Easily one of the most overused, misunderstood words in the world, grace is all we’ve got. Simply put, it’s unearnable kindness. God is just kind because…there’s no reason for it except that is just who He is; and I have seen a lot of grace this week. I saw grace when I walked into the ER and saw my nurse friend in triage who quickly processed, checked, and started treatment within an hour. I saw grace when I found out that I should have been in a coma on Saturday night but was somehow alert and in a pretty good mood. I saw grace when I first suspected I had diabetes and my friend Joel let me borrow his blood sugar testing kit to check – the ultimate reason I went to the ER. I saw grace in the fact that I’m wired to love running and if I hadn’t been training for a marathon I would likely be dead from high blood sugar. I saw grace in friends who spent the night in the hospital, prayed for me, brought me diet coke and clothes and even homework. I saw grace in the fact that I am not nearly as sick as those around me. A few patients here can’t eat or drink anything - a few people are both diabetic and cancer patients.
John Piper says “the life that I have left is all grace.” Simply put, the only thing that will sustain me from here until eternity is grace. Grace upon grace. Don’t misread this as if I’m really happy I have type I diabetes – nope, not even close. Going to bed alone in a hospital is not fun for many reasons, one of which being the solitude that forces you to realize that you have to relearn how to live in many ways (I had a snickers, mocha, and three musketeers bar on Saturday for a snack…probably shouldn’t do that too often anymore). But in the midst of that, grace abounds, and life, though different, continues on in the goodness given to us. Difficulties, trials, and trouble have and will come; they will be overcome not by blind perseverance or a naïve refusal to acknowledge the pain, but in grace upon grace upon grace until the end of the age. All glory, honor, and praise to God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, for they are gracious beyond measure.
